The wrong beautiful
I’ve spent most of January reflecting…
Most people I know spend this month looking forward… setting new goals and resolutions… motivated and determined that THIS will be THE year for… who knows what.
But, for me – this month, I’ve found myself looking back and reflecting on last year.
A year full of battles… a year facing unemployment and uncertainty in circumstances…
A year filled with a whole lot of what many in this world would call ‘ugly’… but the ugly for us simply turned to opportunity to be a year of incredible blessing.
It has been a crazy adventure. We spent half of it unemployed… but, that really wasn’t so much the crazy part.
From the very start of our journey in unemployment, we knew that the Lord was calling us to DO something. For me that meant writing my story, HIS story in our lives. For my husband, it meant pouring into a new ministry he was lead to start called Adventure Dads. Neither being big income makers… so, to the world and to a lot of our friends and family – I’m sure… {okay, I’ll be honest… to US also!} this whole thing didn’t seem like the best financial decision for us to make. Why would we pour into ministry… when we had food to put on the table… or when we had mouths to feed?
My only answer to that… because this is what the Lord was telling us to do.
It didn’t make sense – but…
We have learned that lack of understanding is no excuse for disobedience.
Over the months… we received so much confirmation that THIS is where we were suppose to be.
And over the months… we watched the Lord provide for us… manna… just enough at just the right time from unexpected places.
Truly an amazing time of learning to be dependent on my King…
even when I don’t understand.
Even when I don’t feel like it.
Even when my circumstances seem to say it is a bad idea.
The depth of our God’s character we got to experience was beautiful – right there in the midst of our ugly circumstances.
At the end of the year, new doors were opened with my internet marketing business. I had let it go a bit as I focused on supporting James and pouring into the ministries I was involved in… but, God opened some doors that just burst the flood gates and has provided for us beyond anything we could have planned for ourselves. Pure blessing and grace poured out as He promises.
So… this month… I’ve been remembering…
And you know where my mind went this last week?
I found something to complain about… and it really wasn’t hard for this mind of mine… {sigh}
I have found myself complaining about all the things I have to do…
wondering why it can’t be easier…
frustrated that things aren’t going how I thought they would…
I’ve been sitting in that for a while. Seriously. I must think I like it because I keep sitting in it.
This morning as I was getting ready for my day – I found myself kinda’ grumbling to the Lord… and you know what I thought of?
The Israelites.
Blessed beyond measure… over and over… in unexpected ways.
And then finding something to complain about…
yeah, that’s me. again.
Do you ever feel like you are looking for the beautiful when life seems ugly~ and you see it, but maybe it feels like the wrong beautiful?
Being the innovator that I am… when I get a glimpse of what (I think) God is doing in my life or circumstances, I think, “Aha! I know where you are going God!” And, then I act on what I think I understand.
“Do not lean on your own understandings.” Proverbs 3:5 NASB
The thing is – and I have to learn this over and over again – when I stop clinging to the thinking that I have God figured out and know what He is doing, I have eyes to see the abundant life He has for me… and let me tell you – there is no room for disappointment there.
When God offers abundance… it is beyond my understanding! He works outside the box in huge ways.
Who would have thought that ashes could be traded for beauty?
Who would have thought that wild lament could be turned into whirling dance?
I mean… seriously!?!
Maybe I think my beautiful is all wrong because I’m looking at the wrong thing??
Our ashes have been turned into beauty… and that beauty isn’t the financial blessing we are receiving. The beauty is the work that our Lord has done in the midst of ugly circumstances.
See, I am convinced that even if the financial blessing hadn’t come that our God is taking ashes and turning them into beautiful… even still.
I wonder if I’m finally starting to understand… it isn’t about our circumstances – good or bad, easy or hard. It is about what is unseen. It is about the heart. It’s about the beautiful that God does in the midst of the heart of a sinner.
I didn’t get the wrong beautiful… I was just looking in the wrong place.
“Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.
But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;
don’t sulk under his loving correction.
It’s the child he loves that God corrects;
a father’s delight is behind all this.”
Proverbs 3:5-12 MSG
