I’m a faker

“Faking strength makes us all weaker in the end…”

These words.

Spoken by a dear sister whom I have never met… and is in her last days fighting a battle with cancer.

As I was reading this simple truth, I kept thinking how I am positive those who are carrying Kara in her weakness consider it an honor and are blessed. (learn about Kara’s story here.)…

But I also came face to face with a truth about myself.

I am a strength faker.

There.
I said it.

I don’t mean to be… but I tend to tough it out…
I think of my weakness as not just a burden to me- but to those around me who may need to help me pick up the broken pieces.

And then, I find myself once again in a familiar place…

Looking at my ugly.

But we are not without hope friends.

Don’t you think there is incredible beauty in walking along side the weak…

Well, guess what…
there is incredible beauty in being humble enough to admit to being weak…

Where am I faking strength? My fake-strength looks just like weakness…

It’s usually when I get so frustrated with the kids not picking up after themselves or pitching in how I want – that I find myself raising my voice… Frustrated that I’m not as strong as I’m faking to be.

Or when I react to my husband because he isn’t understanding “all” I need to get done – when the root of my frustration is that my fake strength isn’t enough to get me through my to-do list… Let alone with a good attitude.

Or… when I fail to say no where I see a need – and then am frustrated that I can’t meet the need because my fake strength to do it all simply isn’t enough.

On Sunday’s at church we often sing this song where the chorus repeats, “Christ is enough for me”… The first time we sang that, I remember looking around the church and seeing so many people who I knew had big struggles… lifting their hands to Jesus claiming that He is enough for them. So beautiful to know their stories of weakness… and watch them in full surrender and abandon worshiping their King claiming that He is truly all they need.

See, that’s where the ugly gets beautiful.

Look at what Paul says about his own weakness in his letter to the Corinthians…

“…so I wouldn’t get a big head,
I was given the gift of a handicap
to keep me in constant touch with my limitations.
Satan’s angel did his best to get me down;
what he in fact did was push me to my knees.
No danger then of walking around high and mighty!”

And get this… Paul didn’t always consider his weakness a gift…

“At first I didn’t think of it as a gift,
and begged God to remove it.
Three times I did that, and then he told me,
‘My grace is enough;
it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.’
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen.”

Bringing his weakness to God – begging for it to be taken away changed his entire perspective… and he chose to quit focusing on the weakness so he didn’t have to be a strength faker anymore!

“I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift.
It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness.
Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer,
these limitations that cut me down to size—
abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks.
I just let Christ take over!
And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.“
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 MSG

I think Paul was a strength faker too… but after begging God to remove his weakness – he realized that it was the weakness he was trying to ignore and push away that God used to demonstrate His beauty.

“And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”
My ugly… His beautiful!

I am a strength faker… and I think I may be in the begging stage. But, I don’t have to be.

I know the truth and I can choose to begin appreciating the gift in my weakness… so that the weaker I get, the stronger I become!

What about you?
Are you a strength faker too?