life is too short

“Life is too short to be anything but happy”

This last week – oh, who am I kidding – this year… has brought with it a lot of sorrow. The most recent… watching a family friend go through having to let go of two beautiful children they loved on for 6 weeks with the expectation to adopt this Fall.

They loved these littles fully.
And they were happy.

But, the broken of this world stepped in and ripped them away.
In the midst of what has turned to ashes in my dear friend’s arms – these broken dreams thrown in their faces…
As they share the tears and the deep sorrow in their hearts –
what I see is incredible beauty.

“Life is too short to be anything but happy”

Certainly, the pain of letting these children go is not fun.
It certainly isn’t happy. And, it most likely isn’t something anyone would choose…

It is to be completely ruined… and dare I say devastated?

I am so far from truly getting this.
In fact, it has taken me most of my life to just begin to get a glimpse of this…

To be completely ruined is where we get to experience our Father in the deepest of ways.

We begin to understand the truly broken…
that we are truly broken…
that I am deeply broken…
and what Jesus did for the broken begins to take on so much more.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think it is about the happy.

I would rather be completely ruined and desperate in my circumstances so I can not just see, but experience my Creator walking right there with me.

So I can experience pressing in to His abundant grace and life…

and somehow have a depth of joy right along with the sorrow.

This loss reminds me of my miscarriage I had 7 years ago this month.

I clearly remember sharing the news with my children. I was sitting on the rocking chair with my three year old while he was asking what this baby’s name was. At the same time, my oldest, who was eight at the time, asked me why this happened.

Oh man… gut wrenching questions.
To have to walk this journey of loss with my children – felt like sacred ground…
and I promise you, it was anything but happy.

However, we didn’t walk it without hope.

I didn’t have answers to questions. We hadn’t chosen a name yet. I didn’t know why this happened… and those were the answers I gave.

BUT.

I was also able to tell them that when we are faced with the big unknown and questions of why – we have to turn to solid truth… to what we DO know. We have to remember our story and recall the moments our Savior walked with us in other impossible times.

I DO know that my God has always proven Himself faithful in my life and I must rely on the faithfulness of His character… and that someday, we will understand. [Lamentations 3:23, Psalms]

I DO know that nothing is wasted with my King… and that though we may not understand today why we have the troubles we have – we can trust that all is used for good and His glory. [Romans 8:28]

I DO know that my precious Father’s heart breaks at the brokenness of this world… and at the sin that so easily entangles us… and that is why He sent His only son to die for us. [John 3:16]

and I DO know that He does not willingly grieve the sons of man. [Lamentations 3]

He takes the ugly… my ugly… and He transforms it into an unspeakable beauty that we cannot understand.

There is a favorite shop out on the Oregon coast that we always stop at when we visit. It is a store full of treasures from various exhibitions the owners have taken over the years. They have real pirate booty, ancient celtic bronze rings, various authentic artifacts they have discovered while treasure hunting around the world.

One entire display is sea glass… As a little girl, I remember finding various pieces of colored glass on the beach – with all the sharp edges softened from the harsh sea.

Did you know that it takes 20-30 years for a piece of glass to become smooth? And – it becomes more valuable in the process?

The irony doesn’t fail to escape me here.

To be beautifully ruined.

To be ashes traded for a crown of beauty.

To know my King in ways only the broken can know.

Life is too short to be anything but… beautifully broken.

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.”
Psalm 51;17

“And He has said to me,
“My grace is sufficient for you,
for power is perfected in weakness.”
Most gladly, therefore, I will rather
boast about my weaknesses,
so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”
2 Corinthians 14:9