To Dance Upon Disappointment

Can I be honest with you guys?
We have been hosting a teen night Bible Study this term… we only meet the last 3 Saturdays of the month – but the Friday before or the Saturday of, I’m usually worn out and not “in the mood” to host anything… let alone a Bible study. Yet, the lessons I am learning make it worth it.

We have been going through the book of Mark – and there is one passage that we looked at a couple months ago that I just can’t shake.

You are probably familiar with it… It’s found in Mark chapter 2. It’s the story of the paralytic. The story of the man who couldn’t get to Jesus… we don’t know much about this guy – it’s his friends who bring him. It’s his friends who climb on the roof and lower him down. It’s his friends who brought him before Jesus to be healed. And Jesus does heal him! It’s a wonderful story.

But, this time as we read it, something grossly honest struck my heart.

Mark 2

When He [Jesus] had come back to Capernaum
several days afterward, it was heard that He was
at home. 2 And many were gathered together,
so that there was no longer room, not even
near the door; and He was speaking the word
to them. 3 And they came, bringing to Him a
paralytic, carried by four men. 4 Being unable
to get to Him because of the crowd, they
removed the roof above Him; and when they
had dug an opening, they let down the pallet
on which the paralytic was lying. 5 And Jesus
seeing their faith said to the paralytic, “Son,
your sins are forgiven.”

Okay.
Let’s just stop right there.

If I put myself in the shoes of the paralytic, I would have been quite humbled to have four other people carrying me to Jesus. I would have had to have been desperate for healing… and would have had to really believe that Jesus was the one to heal me. I’m not saying the paralytic felt this way… we don’t know exactly how he felt; however, we do know that it wasn’t easy for him to get to Jesus.

So, these four guys can’t get him in to Jesus because of the crowd… so they do the logical thing, right? They dig an opening in the roof and lower him down.

All this…
And Jesus turns to them – and seeing their faith says to the paralytic, “Your sins are forgiven.”

I don’t know about you… but, if I’m super honest, I would have been very disappointed. If I was the one who came to Jesus for healing, I would have been thinking…

“Wait a minute! I came all this way… I have completely humbled myself and have been lowered down in front of you because I KNOW you can heal me… and, instead, you are telling me my sins are forgiven? WHAT?!”

Now, we know the rest of the story… and Jesus does, indeed, heal the paralytic so that he walks out carrying his pallet. But, at this point in the story, he didn’t know if Jesus would heal him physically…

I was hit with the reality that I don’t understand the depth of my need for salvation.

I don’t understand that, even though I long for physical healing… what I really need is spiritual healing – healing of my soul. It is eternal and it is a much greater need.

It is why Jesus came.

Sure, he healed many – but, His mission was always to offer salvation that we all deeply need.

Jesus shows us over and over and over again that He is fully capable to heal our physical bodies – but He also lives in a way to demonstrate that what really needs healing… is our souls.

There is a song that a friend shared with me last year by Amanda Cook called Heroes. The chorus of the song is,
“Awake my soul to sing
With Your breath in me
I will worship
You taught my feet
To dance upon disappointment
And I, I will worship”

That one line… “To dance upon disappointment” – sounds like a dream!

Slowly, I am realizing that my disappointment often comes from my short sighted perspective.
The circumstances that cause me disappointment in life aren’t because my God doesn’t care. On the contrary! I am beginning to recognize that my God… this intimate Jesus, my King… He simply cares MORE.

Could it be that He cares MORE for my soul healing than my physical healing?

And that He would rather offer true salvation?

That out of compassion for me, He invites me to confession and pours love all over me?

That my deepest need is not to be physically well?

My deepest need is not to have an easy life on earth. My deepest need is not to have a nice house or car that isn’t always in the shop. Dare I say that my deepest need is not even that I have food on the table for my family?

My deepest need is to be saved from the awful wages of my sin.

I have sinned and fall short of the glory of my God.
I’ve heard that verse and many others my entire life… that there is nothing I can do to save myself – but the free gift of God is eternal life. That only Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life… and that He alone can set me free from the utter bondage I find myself in.

How am I so numb to the severity of my sin that I would be disappointed at the words, “Your sins are forgiven”?

If I truly understood the depth of my sin… the cost of my sin… how would I live different?
I would live as one who is forgiven.
I would dance upon disappointment… and truly live.