Forgiveness – Do It Afraid
It’s been a while since I’ve talked about my journey in learning forgiveness.
I think in some ways I haven’t really liked what I’ve been learning.
Forgiveness…
true forgiveness…
freeing forgiveness…
it’s hard.
It’s really hard.
In fact, I am starting to believe that it is impossible in my own human strength to truly forgive.
My heart seems to be convinced that if I forgive I am opening up to hurt.
That thought often keeps me from choosing the freedom I know can be found in offering forgiveness… but, in my (it’s?) defense, the hurt can run deep.
Really deep.
Yesterday I was wondering if this thought pattern represents a false belief?
Am I being deceived to believe that offering forgiveness can be opening myself up to hurt that I want so badly to avoid?
This is a difficult question for me to ask…
and a more difficult one for me to answer –
but if I am searching for the TRUTH, I have to go to the one truth I can always count on.
God’s Word.
Looking at the most amazing example of true and complete forgiveness, I find myself thinking of the life of Jesus.
He offers the free gift of forgiveness…
It’s FREE people!
That means there are no strings attached… we simply have to accept it.
Amazing.
But, today what blows me away…
Jesus offers this forgiveness knowing that He would (will) be hurt.
Look at His life and how He loved…
He knew He was headed to the cross.
He knew He would be beaten, made fun of, spit on.
He knew He would be, quite literally, broken.
Even so… Right smack in the middle of the hurt…
He chose to forgive.
Could it be that the freedom and blessing forgiveness offers…
is greater than the hurt it can open ourselves up to?
I’m reminded of One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp…
It is challenging me to consider how eucharisteo – deep, true gratitude – is at the CORE of living the life I want to be living.
The abundant life that is promised to those who follow Jesus.
Could it be that real… deep thanksgiving is the secret to being able to forgive…
even when it hurts?
Ann talks about Jesus, during the last supper with His disciples… breaking the bread and giving thanks… eucharisteo… even when facing death, He was thankful.
“And when He had taken some bread and given thanks, He broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is My body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.”
Luke 22:19
I am slowly learning that choosing eucharisteo is choosing to consider and dwell on the gifts… not the hurt…
and that is when Sorrow is beautiful.
When ashes turn to beauty.
The hurt is the ugly…
The forgiveness in the midst of the hurt is the beautiful.
Maybe… just maybe, when I am holding onto my fear of hurt I am missing out on the amazing beauty that my King can transform these ashes into.
Maybe… just maybe, it’s time to do it afraid.
Were you encouraged here?
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I went through a traumatic victimization 13 years ago. Over the years I kept thinking I’d done all there is to do in terms of healing and then something new would happen that helped take it a level deeper. The most important factor, where things began to turn around and the PTSD finally began to heal instead of getting worse, was when I learned that we have a choice whether to continue to BE a spiritual victim of evil, and how speaking and choosing forgiveness, blessing and thanksgiving out loud (regardless of feelings) restores our spiritual authority as Christians and stops evil’s right to take ground and further victimize us.
I learned that whenever something bad happened or came to mind, with my free will I had to choose the concept of forgiving the sin committed, and align myself by simple choice with God and the truth. It was not what we usually think forgiveness is about: “I feel like I can forgive and I’ll feel better and I’ve worked through this enough and I’m over the pain so I can feel forgiving and say this is okay now”. Not at all. In fact, when I learned all this, my feelings were still very raw even after 7 years. I still felt like I could claw the eyeballs out of the face of my abuser if I saw him again, and I still suffered from a great amount of fear of some aspect of the whole mess coming back to haunt me.
I was not raised in a theological context where the spiritual weight of choice was considered in its full significance. But choice is where the sin in the Garden of Eden began and choice is how our Lord reversed it. It is the choice that matters.
So here’s my formula: “In the name of Jesus (because I don’t have the feelings or the authority to forgive), I bless and forgive X-person.”
Often I now add:
“Father, forgive him, he doesn’t know what he is doing.”
At first this was hard to do. At times it was emotional. The funny part was that I had thought for years that I already forgave this person. But my emotions told me something was left undone. So I chose these words and their simple meaning with my head and left my heart to God. The miraculous thing was that within a few days, huge changes started happening. The devil was being put to flight. Persecutors were literally running from me without any confrontation except private prayers. And my heart was unleashed to heal… within days I was feeling lighter and joyful… and over the next 3 months a freedom train left the station. 20 women were dropped into my lap who needed to start praying like this, whether about generational stuff in the past or difficult relationships in the present. One by one they experienced massive, miraculous healing. All by making a choice to AGREE with the TRUTH… to bless and forgive and leave the emotions to God to heal…. and one after another, our hearts were healing.
Forgiveness is a decision, a choice of agreement with God instead of holding on to feelings and seeking justice. The amazing thing also is how God provides opportunities for redemption later on. My story continued in stages for years, with various totally unforseen events bringing more healing, more freedom. Finally this past spring I laid eyes on the abuser again for the first time. It wasn’t easy – I was fearful of what he might do – but with support to protect me from him in place, I finally I realized I was totally free. Completely released.
That’s not a total picture of how healing can work or even of the process of forgiveness, but it’s the most important component to healing and forgiving. It’s the choice to agree with God and to agree that the cross was, in theory and fact, enough, and that we’ll see and experience that sufficiency after we put our trust in its authority to solve the issues. The Name of Jesus and His cross are the source of authority and power to forgive and heal and bless an enemy.
Thanks for sharing this! I have so much to learn in my understanding of the cross being enough… I often walk as if it isn’t.
Forgiveness is a journey. That has been my experience.
The best teaching I’ve ever heard on the subject is available free on Vimeo: http://bobhamp.com/videos/forgiveness/